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 47:57

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

wife, husband, God, marriage, role, called, male headship, verse, Adam, woman, Christ, submit, submissive, helper, Eve, man, Lord, reflecting, submission, respect

Table of Contents

Introduction.. - 1 -

1. The Relationship.. - 2 -
2. The Roles. - 4 -
3. The Reason. - 9 -

Introduction

Wives Walking Worthy. We've heard this phrase, every one of us has. "Did God really say...?" That's been Satan's tactic from the very beginning, all the way back to the garden. But sadly, that question wasn't squashed in the garden. The question of doubt has continued down through the ages. And it's a question that Satan continues to place in the minds of many women today. Did God really say? Did God really say that women cannot be leaders in the church? Did God really say that women are to be caretakers of the home? Did God really say that wives are to submit to their husbands? But the question that we want to ask tonight is not ‘did God really say?’ But “What did God say?” That's what we want to know.

And specifically, we'll want to ask, what did God say about the woman's role as a wife? Now, I realize that what I'm going to say here tonight is not very popular, right? It's not popular amongst our culture. It's not popular with many churches, even. I know some of this may be new to you, as well. Some of you may even find this a little hard to swallow because of your upbringing, things that you have heard, even from churches that you've been a part of. But please, let me tell you that what I am going to give you tonight, is not my own opinion. This is not my own opinion. It's not my agenda, and how I think things ought to be. My desire tonight is to give you God's Word, to give you God's Word and to tell you what He has to say about being a godly wife.

And let me tell you, that whatever God says, always, always, always is what is best, right? It's always what is best. And so my prayer is that you have hearts that are open to receive from God tonight, not Ace’s words, but God's Words, who loves you and cares for you, and always wants what is best for you.

What I want to do tonight is I want to just work through a three-point outline, you have it there on the back of your bulletin. And hopefully this will help you to understand what God says about the responsibility of a wife.

• First, we're going to look at the relationship.
• Second, we're going to look at the roles
• Third, we'll look at the reason.

1.     The Relationship

So, let's look at our first point here tonight. The Relationship. In Genesis chapter 1, when God made man, he was all alone. It was just Adam who was there alone in the garden, God created Adam from the dust of the ground, and he breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. God brought all of the animals then to Adam, so that he could name them. And after Adam named all of them, not one was found to be a helper who was suitable for him.

Adam sees, as he's naming these animals there, there's male and female animals that God has created. After he names all of them, though, he doesn't find one that is suitable for him. Now, we often hear this phrase about dogs that dogs are man's best friend. We've all heard that. In fact, here's what the "trustworthy" Wikipedia has to say about that phrase "Man's best friend." "Man's best friend is a common phrase used to describe domestic dogs, referring to their millennia long history of close relationships, loyalty, friendship and companionship with humans."

But notice after Adam gets done naming all of the animals, there wasn't one single one that was suitable for him. Because God didn't create animals to be man's best friend. God created the woman to be man's best friend. And so, it was then that God fashioned Eve from Adam.

Open your Bibles to Genesis chapter 2. Genesis chapter 2 right at the beginning, we're going to look and see what God did as He formed and fashioned Eve. Genesis chapter 2, look at what it says in verse 21. 

"So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He” (God) “took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place." (Gen 2:21) And notice we have the word rib that's there. That word rib there in the Hebrew actually means side. It was his side. That is, God didn't just take one of Adam's ribs, and form and fashion Eve. But God took from Adam's side. What did he take from his side? He took both bone and flesh.

He took bone and flesh, he performed divine surgery on Adam there. And with his bone, and flesh, He fashioned then a woman who was far better than the animals. And she was then found to be the only one who was suitable for him. Which is why Adam says in Genesis 2:23, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." (Gen 2:23) That's why Adam says that, because God took bone and flesh. He goes on, and he says, "she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." (Gen 2:23)

Eve was not only made for Adam, but she was also made from Adam. She was God's beautiful creation, fashioned, tailor made, built specifically by God for Adam, for the man. She then is his special companion, whom he was to love, and to cherish. Right after this creation of Eve, it was then that God established this special union of marriage between the two of them. Look at Genesis 2:24, what it says there, "for this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Gen 2:24)

Adam could not become one flesh with any of the animals, but he now has Eve with him. And it was at that moment that God then instituted the union of marriage. They are to be one flesh. How are they to be one flesh? They become one in the sexual union, which is reflected literally in the children that they have. The children are a picture of the one union of the husband and wife coming together. But there's more involved in that one union, that one flesh there as well. Listen to what one commentator says. He says this, "In marriage two whole lives unite together as one, emotionally, intellectually, financially, spiritually, and in every other way. The two shall become one in purpose. They are so close, that they function like one person, balancing each other's strengths and weaknesses, so that together they can fulfill their God given calling."

Husbands and wives are unified. They're joined together, as one, in marriage, and Jesus says in Mark 10:9 "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." This is a lifelong union between husband and wife. And with that union then is implied that they are equal, that husband and wife are equal, as God created man and woman he created them equal in the sense that they are both created in God's image.

Listen to what Genesis 1:27 says, "God created man in His own image and the image of God He created him, male and female He created them."   But while the two are unified as one flesh, while they are equal, as man and woman, there is also diversity between the two of them. How? Well, it's not just in the obvious fact of biological differences. But look at Genesis 1:27. Notice what it says there. It says, "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him." 

God uses the word "man" there to refer to the human race. But why does He do this? Because He's implying that there is male headship relationship within the human race. They are equal, but there's diversity. And there is to be male headship within that relationship. Listen to what Ray Ortlund says. He says, "God did not name the human race woman. If a woman had been the more appropriate and illuminating designation, no doubt God would have used it." He does not even devise a neutral term like persons as many people are trying to do today. He called us man, which anticipates the male headship brought out clear in Genesis chapter 2, just as male and female in verse 27 foreshadows marriage in chapter 2.

You see, God created Adam first. And then he created Eve. And this tells us that there's something to God's created order that we should pay attention to. What's going on there? Well, Paul gives us a little understanding of this. Listen to what Paul says in 1 Timothy 2:13, he says, "but I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve."

You see what Paul does there. He goes back to the creation order. And he says it was Adam first and then Eve. Male headship. That's how God established it. Paul tells us there are differences between man and woman based upon the created order, there is diversity. Yes, man and woman are equal spiritually in God's eyes created in the image of God, but there is diversity between men and woman. Remember, also it was not Eve who named the animals but who was it? It was Adam. Adam was the one who named the animals. And Adam also named who? Eve. He named her. Genesis 2:23, "she shall be called Woman." Clearly, there were differences that God had in mind when He created man and woman. There are many more that I could go into. But just for time’s sake, let me just show you one more.

Remember, after the fall in Genesis chapter 3, who was primarily accountable for the fall? Oftentimes, Eve gets all of the blame. She listened to the serpent, and she ate, and she gave to her husband, and he ate also. But notice who God goes to first. Listen to Genesis 3:8-9, "They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”

Who did God go to first? God went to Adam first. He was the primary one who was responsible for his wife -- to guard her and to protect her -- and he failed. But we see in this that the responsibility for the family landed on Adam. And so while Adam and Eve are spiritually equal in God's eyes, God did establish differences between them, and he gave them certain roles to fulfill within their marriage relationship.

What are those roles? Well, since we're at a women's event, I'll only be speaking about the wife's role here tonight.

2.     The Roles

And leads to our second point, point number two, the roles. What I want to do for you tonight here is to give you three roles that are laid out in Scripture for a wife.

1. First, the first role is that a wife is to be a helper, a wife is to be a helper. Turn over to Genesis 1. Genesis 1. I want to show you something here in Genesis 1. This is fascinating that I think many people just kind of skip over this. But this is fascinating as you look at Genesis chapter 1, and look at what it says in verse 4: "God saw that the light was..." what? "Good" it was good. Then look at down at verse 10. Verse 10, "God called the dry land, earth, and the gathering of the waters He called sea. And God saw that it was" what? "Good." Then after creating the plants and the vegetation in verse 12, it was what? It was good. Then in verse 18, God made the sun, the moon and the stars and it was good. Verse 21, God made birds and the fish and it was good. And then in verse 25, God made cattle and other animals, and it was good.

Look over at Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. Look at what it says there. “Then the Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Gen 2:18) This is the first time that God said something was not good. And it was not good because Adam was all alone. There was Adam with the animals, no companion, he was all alone. And God said this is not good. What God is saying there is the creation order is not complete. There's more to come. The man needs a companion, and it's not good that he is all alone. So what did God say? I will make him a helper suitable for him. What did God do then? God created Eve to be his helper.

Now, this doesn't mean that the woman as a helper is his slave. She's not his doormat and only helps in whatever he tells her to help him with. That's not the relationship there. That's not what God is talking about here. Although the role of helper is often looked down upon, the role of helpers should not be looked down upon. The role of helper is a vital role. In fact, did you know that God Himself is called a helper?

Listen to Psalm 115:9-11, "O Israel, trust in the LORD; He is their help and their shield. 10 O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD; He is their help and their shield. 11 You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD; He is their help and their shield."

And that word there for "helping", the Hebrew is the same word that is used to describe Eve's role as a helper over in Genesis 2:18. It's the exact same word. God is a helper. God Himself is a helper.

John 14:16, speaking of the Holy Spirit, "I will ask the Father and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever."

And then in John 14:26, "but the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you."

So helper is not a role that is to be looked down upon. God is our helper. The Holy Spirit is our helper. And the role of a wife to her husband, is to be his helper. Now, what does it mean to be a helper? Well, for Eve, her role was to assist Adam and carrying out God's order to rule and to subdue the earth. That command that God gave to Adam. As God created His perfect order, He created the man to be the leader, male leadership in the marriage union. As the man leads, he has to do it for God, for God's glory. But the wife is called to help him to fulfill this role that he has been given by being his helper. And by each one fulfilling their God-given roles, they are doing all of it for God, and for His glory.

Listen to Ray Ortlund. Again, he says, "A man just by virtue of his manhood is called to lead for God, a woman just by virtue of her womanhood is called to help for God." Let me just make this clear, this does not mean male domination. It doesn't mean female slavery. This is male leadership. And a wife's role is to support her husband as a helper in the role that God has given to him over his family. It's the role of the wife.

Barbara Hughes says this to women. She says, "Our task is to encourage our husbands to obey God's word and will for their lives." That's your task. That's your role as a wife. She goes on to tell of a time when her husband was very discouraged in ministry, and he was ready to call it quits as a pastor. She said that she could have gone along with him could have joined him in his discouragement. But her husband, Kent, was grateful that she didn't. While her husband was at a very low point in his ministry, ready to give it all up, Barbara responded with hope. And she said this. She said to her husband, Kent, I don't know what you're going to do. But for right now, for tonight, hang on to my faith. Because I believe, I believe that God is good. I believe that He loves us and is going to work through this experience. So, hang on to my faith, I have enough faith for the both of us. She goes on to say that together, they searched the Scriptures, and they found the hope that they needed in God's Word. And Barbara says that that was the first time where she realized how powerful her role was, as a helper to her husband.

2. Wives, God has called you to be your husband's helper. Not only has He called you to be a helper, but second, a second role, a wife is called to be submissive. Wife is called to be submissive. Turn over to Ephesians chapter 5 with me. Ephesians chapter 5. This is the famous marriage passage. As Paul writes to both wives and to husbands, you will notice in this passage, there's a lot more verses that is written to husbands, as we need more help. But in Ephesians chapter 5, look at what he says in verse 22. He says,

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." (Eph 5:22-24)"

Now, notice, first of all, that a wife has to be submissive to her own husband, not everyone else's husband, to your own husband. And implied in that is that her husband belongs to her, and she belongs to her husband. And as they belong to one another, her role in that marriage union is to be submissive. Why? Paul gives us the reason in verse 23. Look at what he says there..."for the husband is the head of the wife." Notice, it doesn't say that the husband is more important than the wife. It doesn't say that. He is the head of the wife, in his God-given role as the leader of the family.

And what's the motivation behind this attitude of submission of a wife? Well, look at the end of verse 22. Look at what he says there. He says, "as to the Lord." Women are to be willingly submissive to their husbands, just as they are willingly submissive to Christ. Don't you want to submit to Christ? That's the attitude and the role of every Christian, right? We want to be submissive to Christ. Well, one of the ways that a wife shows submission to Christ is by being submissive to her husband.

John MacArthur says, "A wife who properly submits to her husband also submits to the Lord. And a wife, who does not submit to her husband also does not submit to the Lord." See how that works? Now, you might ask, well, what if my husband is an unbeliever, or a believer, but he is walking in sin? Or a man who's not leading the way that he's supposed to lead? What do I do with that guy?

Hold your finger in Ephesians chapter 5 and turn over to 1 Peter 3. 1 Peter, chapter 3. Peter also helps us to understand the marriage union and the marriage relationship. And in 1 Peter 3:1 Peter starts off there. And he says, "In the same way," In the same way, and we should ask, we should stop right there and say, in the same way as what Peter? Well, you've got to go back up into chapter 2 to understand what Peter's talking about. Look at 1 Peter 2:13. Look at what he says there. He says, "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether do a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do what is right." (1 Pet 2:13)

He says there "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution." Then look at what he says down in verse 18. Speaking now to servants, he says, "Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are..." what? "unreasonable."  Even those masters that are over you that are unreasonable, you are called to be submissive to your masters. And then Peter gives us an example of this in verse 21. Look at what he says there in verse 21.

"For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22 WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH; 23 and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Pet 2:21-23)

And so, as Christ is the example of the one who submitted to someone who was unreasonable and unjust, right? And through all of that, He continued to entrust Himself to God. Peter then says in chapter 3, verse 1, "in the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands." (1 Pet 3:1) Why? He goes on, he tells us, "so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word."

That is, even if they are a man who has heard the gospel and actively pushes back against the gospel, he's an unbeliever and says, I want no part of your faith. I want no part of the Jesus that you worship, even if he is a man like that. "They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior." (1 Pet 3:1-2)

So, the wife is commanded to be submissive. And as you're submissive to your husband, did you know that you're actually reflecting God? In submission, you are reflecting the Godhead. Did you know that? You mean God submits? Within the Trinity, although the Father and the Son and the Spirit are co-equal persons, there is submission even within the Trinity.   Listen to 1 Corinthians 11:3. "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” God is the head of Christ. Submission. 

Now, this does not mean there is ontological submission, as if one person of the Trinity is greater or lesser than the other. It's not what we're talking about here. They aren't, remember they are co-equal, co-equal, one God, three persons, one God, co-equal, but within the roles of the Son and the Spirit, there is submission. The Father sent the Son, not the Holy Spirit, the Father sent the Son, the Son never sends the Father. The Son sent the Spirit who came from the Father, and the Son perfectly submitted to the will of the Father. There's submission within the Godhead. And when you submit to your husband, you are reflecting God.

And so submission is not a demeaning role within the marriage relationship. Submission actually reflects God to a lost and dying world. And so the role of a wife is to be a helper and to be submissive.

3. Third, a third role related to the idea of submission is that a wife is to be respectful to her husband. Turnover back to Ephesians 5, again. Ephesians chapter 5 at the end of this passage here, as Paul speaks to the wife, and then to the husband, he kind of wraps it all up together in Ephesians 5:33. And look what he says there Ephesians 5:33. "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife, even as himself." So he speaks to the husband there... you are to love your own wife, even as yourself but then he speaks to the wife. And notice what he says there, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Now that word "respect" there in the Greek is the word for obeyo and it means to have a profound measure of respect for, or to have reverence for, and even means to fear, to fear in the reverential perspective. It has the idea of showing reverential respect. And why is there to be reverential respect toward your husband, because of the position that he holds as the head of the family, male leadership, male headship, just as believers are called to submit to one another, in the fear of Christ, as Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (with fear or with respect.) And this means that wives are called to respect their husbands and the position that they hold over you as your head. That's what you are called to do.

And this is something that women struggle with. Let me share with you a story that I heard on the radio about a wife, who told a story about respecting her own husband, Bill. She said this. She says we were at a party. There was music playing and Bill's a really good dancer. So, he's whisking me around the floor. And he does this big dip move, super romantic and all. We're newlyweds and everybody's staring at us. It's wonderful. Then he drops me on the floor. So, I'm lying on the floor. And I'm thinking, why am I on the floor, honey? And he looks down to her and he said, I just ripped my pants. She says this. I got up and I looked and I'm like, Oh, you guys. I spun him around. Look, Bill just ripped his pants. And I thought it was funny. And all of our friends thought it was funny. She goes on and says, It was a really, really quiet ride home. And she says this, I realized that day, not a good idea to criticize your husband in public. She says it's not even a really great idea at home when nobody's around. But it's a really bad idea to do it in public.

Wives, do you respect your husband? Do you talk bad about him to other women? Or do you respect him for the man that he is? As your husband, as your head? Ladies, don't speak evil of your husbands. Don't tell other women all of their faults? Yes, you know all of his faults. Yes, Sarah knows all of my faults. She knows me better than any person in this world. Listen to what Nancy Wilson says about wives respecting their husbands. She says oftentimes those wives who disrespect their husbands are the same ones who are complaining about the lack of leadership they see in their men. If only wives could see the importance of respecting their husbands. Respect equips them, it encourages them, and brings great blessing to the entire family. And isn't that what you want for your family? Blessing?

Listen to Proverbs 31, verses 11 and 12, “The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (Prov 31:11-12) She respects her husband, and what does he do? He trusts in her. You know, that's the only time in scripture where it says that somebody can trust in another person or someone else other than God. For a husband to trust in his wife. He trusts in her. He loves her. And he cares for her because of the virtuous woman that she is. Ladies, God commands wives to respect their husbands. So, the role of the wife is to be a helper and to be submissive and to respect her husband.

Why does all of this matter? Well, that leads to our final point here tonight. The Reason.

3.     The Reason.

Look at Ephesians 5 and verse 22. Again, let me read it for us again, Ephesians 5:22, "Wives be subject to your own husbands is to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." In everything. In every way to be subject to your husband. And as you fulfill your role as a wife, it's a reflection to the world of the relationship between the church and Christ. Do you realize that?

We know that Christ is the head of the church, right? The elders are the leaders of the church, but Christ is the head of Faith Bible Church. He's the one we submit to in all things, in everything we submit to Him. He's the one that we desire to obey. He's the one who has saved us and cares for us. And in all of that we as a church desire to reflect Christ to the world. Right? Isn't that our desire?

Well, God gave us a picture of that. A perfect picture of that. In marriage and as each one of us, as both husbands and wives fulfilled their God-given roles in the family, they are reflecting Christ's relationship to His church and the church's relationship to Christ.

Ladies, marriage is a picture of the gospel. Do you realize that? It's a picture of the gospel, as your husbands love you, he is reflecting Christ's love for the church. And as you submit to the headship of your husband, you are reflecting the church's submission to Christ. We would never tell the church did not submit to Christ, right? We would never walk into a church and say, you know, that whole submission thing, submitting to Christ, not today, not for you guys anymore.

Sadly, happens in marriage...Not submitting to your husband is like telling the church not to submit to Christ. But what a beautiful picture that God has given in marriage of the relationship between Christ and His Church, right? Such a beautiful picture.

Another reason. Another reason why this is so important, is because it reflects God. It reflects the Trinity. As I said earlier, while the persons of the Trinity are co-equal, they do have different roles. And as the husband fulfills his roles, and the wife fulfills her roles, they're reflecting God. Wayne Grudem says this, "It is the Father that planned redemption and sent the Son into the world, the Son obeyed the Father accomplishing redemption for us. And the Spirit brings to completion the work that has been planned by the Father and begun by the Son. The Father directs and has authority over the Son and the Son obeys and is responsive to the directions of the Father. The Holy Spirit is obedient to the directives of both the Father and the Son."  Do you see how godly marriages, when they are done in obedience to how God established them, reflects God? That is why we are to obey God's commands and what He has called us to do within our marriages.

He's established these relationships for a reason. And He's given us these roles for a reason. All of it. All of it, when it is done His way brings glory and honor to him.

Now what about those who weren't married? We announced for many weeks, we said if you aren't married, come, because this is for you as well. Whatever about those who aren't married? Why is this important for you to know if you are not married? Well, for those who aren't married yet, but will be in the future, this is what God calls you to be as a wife to your future husband. This is what your relationship is to be. Prepare your heart now, so that you're ready, when that wedding day comes...to fulfill your God given roles in your marriage.

For those of you who are single and will remain single. This is what God has called wives to be. And now you know how you can encourage wives in the church with their God-given roles. Because they need encouragement, right wives? We all need encouragement. Wives need encouragement in this, and you can be an encouragement to them as you point them to the truths of God's Word. Because the devil has been telling wives, and continues to shout to wives, "Did God really say?" And he's telling wives to not submit to their husbands and to not fulfill their roles that God has given to them in their marriage. But you can be an encouragement to them and remind them, don't listen to the lies of the devil. But listen to God's Word, and what He has to say. Because listen, ladies, what God says, is always, always what is best.

Let's pray. Father, thank You for these truths that You've given to us in Your Word, I thank You, for every wife who is here, who desires to fulfill their roles, and their marriage, and to please and honor You. Lord, I pray that these truths would sink deeply into their hearts. They would take these truths and that they would live them out in their marriage, for Your glory. Lord, we pray for those who are going to be wives in the future. Lord, we pray that You would be preparing their hearts now. And that they would be ready for that day when they say "I do." And they're in that marriage union, that bond, the one flesh union, with their husband, that they would reflect to you in that union, and that they would bring glory and honor to Your name. Father, we know that we can't do any of what You command us to do on our own. None of these ladies in here can do it on their own, they need You. So Lord, I pray that You would help them. Help them to apply these truths to their own personal lives. To live them out for Your glory. Lord, we thank You for the women who are here who may never be married. Thank You for the encouragement that they are to us, to this body, to your church. And pray that You would continue to use them, to point us to Christ to encourage the wives of the church and point them to Christ so that they would live out their God-given roles in their marriage. Lord, we thank You for our time here together tonight. I pray that You would bless these women, that You would be with them as they leave from here, that as we leave from this place that we would take these truths and apply them to our lives for Your glory alone. We pray in Christ's name, Amen.